Friday, July 29, 2011
Faithful Fridays~The Dating System
Welcome to Faithful Fridays! My mama and I started this so that Christians could post about their Christian Faith; prayer requests, praise reports, etc.
If you participate this week, please let me know in your comment, and I will stop by your blog! And don't forget to grab the button above for your post!
Mama has been reading two books aloud to me. One we have finished and one we are working on. The first, which we have finished, is Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally. This one is great for younger girls, say, nine or ten up to about twelve. The second, the one we're working on, is When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This one is better for older girls and boys. Both are great! What I'm about to write is based off of these two books.
Have you ever thought about the dating system?
"Um, duh," you reply.
Have you ever really thought thoroughly about the dating system?
-You "ask the person out," which makes girls become WAY too bold and forward.
-And then you date for a while. You go strong, and during that time, people have a knack for giving themselves away--both emotionally and physically.
-And then, usually, the breakup comes, and both people are heartbroken (or maybe just one) and they become rather depressed for a while.
Repeat. Repeat. And repeat.
How is that preparing teens for marriage? It is teaching them that you marry, go strong for a little while, then you "break up." You divorce.
And, when you give yourself away--emotionally (spilling out your dreams, emotions, desires, and sorrows to the person) and physically (Because once you give yourself away emotionally, the physical things are not far behind. Things such as holding hands, kissing, and more) what does that leave for your marriage? For your husband or for your wife? You are stealing something that doesn't belong to you--it belongs to your future spouse.
And it starts so young. In the past, thirteen or fourteen and on up have been the usual dating ages. But it has slowly sunk and sunk and sunk to where now, eight and nine year olds are in the dating game! And that's all it is--a game. They use the dating terms--"going out," "breaking up," "hot," and "ex." When it starts at eight or nine, it slowly grows and grows, until, at the ages of fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen, girls and boys are completely giving themselves away.
And there are so many things that influence people to do this.
TV is a big thing. Ugh. I am SO glad we got rid of our Direct TV. There is SO much romance on TV...specifically Disney. Yes. The one TV channel you think your kids can watch and corrupt things won't enter their minds.
Well it will. It will sneak in slowly and soon, they will be slowly slipping into the pattern of this world.
Another thing is music. I would say that 50% if not more of songs these days are about love, boyfriends/girlfriends, and dating. Some are ok, but I think that the majority of them make kids want to date or at least have a boyfriend.
And one thing, something that probably isn't expected to produce bad results--having friends that are guys. I'm not saying that girls should shun boys. But, when you start emailing, texting, calling, and hanging out with guy friends too much, your attachment--romantic or not--will grow without you realizing it. And you tend to give yourself away, especially emotionally, during close friendships with a guy. Don't be fooled by people who say it will help you understand guys. It's dangerous. Stay at a fairly distant length.
And, may I add one more thing? Grown ups--please stop asking kids, tweens, and teens if we have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know you don't mean harm, especially when you make a comment to a girl like, "You're so beautiful, I'll bet you have a lot of boyfriends" or something like that. But, it doesn't help a girl keep her purity (both emotionally and physically).
"What's this emotional stuff," you ask?
Well, it's staying on the phone for an hour (or more) with the guy you're dating and spilling out your heart--your dreams and your sorrows--to him. It's giving yourself away emotionally. And after you do that, the physical stuff comes soon. Take a look at this quote from a unmarried girl concerning a guy she had been "in love" with for years (I took this from When God Writes Your Love Story):
"I gave my heart to Matt. I poured my life into him. I couldn't imagine giving my virginity to anyone else--he already had the rest of me, so I decided to give him the whole package."
And believe me--that's what it is. You--your physical self and your emotional self--are a package deal. You give one away, and the other follows. If you save your virginity, but pour out yourself emotionally and physically in every other way, you are not pure. You may think you are, but you're not.
Proverbs 31:12 says this concerning the wife of noble character.
"She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life."
All the days of her life. All the days of her life.
Ok, has any woman ever been married "all the days of her life?" No.
So, before you get married, all through your life, through the years that most girls are dating, you should consider your future spouse. What if your future husband or your future wife could watch you--everything you did, everyday, all the time. Would they walk away saying, "Man, she is truly saving herself for me," or would they come home wondering why you are acting as if they don't exist?
Imagine this--You have saved yourself both physically and emotionally for your future husband or wife. You see them go on a date. They put their arm around this date, or they they lean there head over on this date's shoulder. Maybe they even go farther.
How does that make you feel?
Here you are, saving yourself, and your spouse is giving himself away.
How does that make you feel?
You want to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Be a one-man woman.
The dating system encourages the exact opposite. The dating system encourages you to date around and find the person you want to marry--after all, isn't that the only way you can find someone? By dating around?
No, it's not. First of all, God will bring you the man or woman you're supposed to marry, and he will confirm it.
Second of all, when you date around, you give away pieces of your heart and pieces of the rest of yourself.
And thirdly, the pain that you experience when a relationship ends may seem like a natural part of the dating system, but it's not natural at all. God did not mean for us to deal with that pain.
"So what do I do if I can't date?" Have you ever considered courtship? I know it sounds radical, but good Christian people are doing it these days...consider it!
So all you girls out there--please, please be a pure pearl for your husband. Be a one-man woman. Do your husband good all the days of your life.